My Adoption Story

Lately, there have been a lot of things related to adoption going on around me.  I have taken a lot of time to think about my life as an adoptee.  I remembered a blog that I wrote a story for called Birthmothers 4 Adoption back in Aug of 2011.  I thought I might share that here.  I just copied and pasted it from that blog (with the proper permission) so dates and other situations have changed.  I must also say to those who are involved in this story and read it, if I have written any part of the story incorrectly, please let me know.  :)

"This is a story by one of my favorite people in the whole world. For real! Alex is one of my favorite people because her personality is absolutely contagious. She has the most beautiful smile and is always so happy and pleasant to be around. Here is her story.

     'My name is Alexandria R***** and I am adopted. I was conceived just over twenty years ago in a circumstance maybe not so unique. A young high school couple, very much in love made one decision that would drastically change many lives. After learning of her pregnancy, Rachel* and Matthew* (*changed names for privacy) debated for a VERY long time whether to marry or to place me. They had many times of uncertainty in either choice but in the end, they decided that the best thing for them and for me was to place. They worked through LDS Family Services to find a deserving couple to be my mommy and daddy. Separately, they looked through many applications and by chance (or not really...) their first choices were the same: David and Cathy R***** happily married, Latter-day Saints, parents of one adopted 3-year old girl, and unable to conceive.

      After 9 months of pregnancy, 48 hours of drug-free labor and a few complications, I was born. I spent three days in the hospital with Rachel, Matthew and much of Rachel's family. The third day, I was given from my birthmother's arms to my new older sister's who carried me into my parents. My adoption was closed, but we (the R*****s and Rachel/Rachel's family) opted to send letters, baby pictures and occasionally gifts through LDSFS. We used pen names and were not allowed to give any personal information (i.e. addresses, real names, phone numbers, etc.). To keep this story semi-short, after many no-less-than-MIRACULOUS events, when I was 13 months old, against the will of LDSFS, my agent Karen, allowed my mother, myself, Rachel and her mother to meet in her (Karen's) home. From then on, we were all involved frequently in each others' lives. I remember having sleepovers at Grandma Daleann's (Rachel's mom) house and swimming at Granny Preece's (Rachel's grandma), riding around in Rachel's VW Bus and getting Hardy's while just hanging out and learning American Sign Language from her. Spending time with "my whole family" at the zoo, on holidays, etc. etc. My next-door neighbors (and best friend) were adopted too, so we understood each others' circumstances, even when the other kids "just didn't get why our parents didn't want us". From the very beginning, I knew exactly where I came from, exactly who I was. Nothing was hidden or sugar-coated. I also knew from the very beginning, of my own accord, that I was exactly where I was meant to be. Cathy and Dave were my mommy and daddy and I could NOT ask for better parents. 

     I was an extremely happy child, I think even happier because I knew I was adopted. It doesn't make sense to me, because I am just starting to understand why I love my life as an adopted person, but back then, it was probably a pride thing, to be different AND happy. I loved it. Granted, when I got older and started to understand more, I had questions, frustrations and times of sadness, but someone was always there to explain, listen and love me. Up to middle-school now, and still no contact with my biological father. This was the brunt of my occasional bouts of frustration and sadness. "I would rather know neither of them than just one.", "If SHE can know me, why can't he?", "Does he not care about me? Was I just a bad choice that he repented of and forgot?" I had a home video of him in his high school musical "Brigadoon" wherein he played Charlie and sang the song "Come to me, Bend to me". I found this video and watched it three times in a row. My mom found me in a complete fit of hysterics and told me that if I was going to react like that, she wouldn't allow me to watch it anymore. I promised that I was okay, just having hormonal issues and wanted to cry. But really, at the time, I felt like I was dying. I wished that he was singing that song to me, "Come to me, bend to me, kiss me good day. Darlin', my darlin', 'tis all I can say." I wanted SO BADLY to meet my birthdad, and after a few attempts over the 13 years or so to contact him, by then I had given up. That night, I resolved my emotional conflict and said to Heavenly Father, "If I don't get to meet him in this life, I know we will meet in Heaven."

       Once again, to keep it short, when I was about 16, he called me. We talked on the phone and learned a little bit of each other in the short 45 minutes we had to talk. There was no promise or even mention of meeting in the future. Merely a glimmer of hope to speak again at some point in time. No contact for another year, until he texted me the morning of my birthday. No contact for almost another year, the middle of August 2009. About a week later he decided it was high-time to meet. August 23, 2009 was the day my biggest childhood dream came true. Since then, I have been highly involved in his and his entire family's lives. I am actually currently living in his home, away from my parents for college. Yes, that's right. LIVING with him, his amazing wife and his six unbelievable children (all of which know that I am his daughter). Right now. In their spare bedroom where I am typing this.

      To all of those who think that adopted children could never grow up happily knowing they're adopted, PLEASE take into consideration my story and many others that are equally happy. My older sister is in contact with her birthmother and his happy, my younger brother is in contact with his birthparents and is happy, my childhood neighbor/best friend is VERY recently in contact with her birthmother and is happy (she was also happy BEFORE she was ever in contact with her), my birthmother's best friend is in contact with the girl she placed not too long before I was and is happy. ADOPTION IS HAPPY. I LOVE my life as an adopted person. I have SIX parents (Mommy and Daddy, Matthew and wife, and Rachel and husband) all of whom I love more than I can possibly convey. I have ELEVEN siblings (2 with Cathy and Dave, 6 with Matthew and wife and 3 with Rachel and husband) all of whom I love more than I can possibly convey. My life is happy, my adoption is happy, I am happy.

 My name is Alexandria R***** and I am adopted.'"

**Update**:  I no longer live with my biological dad and his wonderful family, because I moved an hour away to attend a different University that is better suited for my major.  I am still in contact with all of my family.  Yes, that includes aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts, etc. etc. on both sides of my biological families and even more.  It is difficult to put into words how blessed I am.  God is real and He is GREAT!  He knows all of the desires of my heart and wants to bless me.  I just have to reach for Him.  The same goes for you...  If you know anyone who is struggling with the idea of adoption, whether they be discouraged adoptees (people who were placed for adoption), mothers and/or fathers-to-be wondering about adoption and its effects, couples unable to conceive or considering adoption, or really anyone else who has questions, I would love it if you shared my story.  Anyone is welcome to come to me with questions, concerns, requests, etc.  All I ask is that negative comments about my story are kept to oneself. 

I'll be seeing you!